It’s enough trouble trying to get the right wording for wedding invitations when things are simple, but what about when your family has less traditional circumstances? These days so many engaged couples have a unique family situation to accommodate, and it’s never easy to ensure that everyone feels happy and included in your big day.
A lot of brides or grooms have divorced parents, or parents who have remarried, and sometimes we risk offending a family member if we word things improperly. Nowadays, it isn’t seen as bad form for the groom’s parents to chip in for the wedding expenses, and quite often some unique combination of parents, step-parents, and/or the engaged couple themselves end up shouldering the expenses. Even in untraditional circumstances, good form is important to let everyone know they’re appreciated.
You want to make sure everyone is comfortable, but don’t forget there are a few basic pieces of information that you need to include on any wedding invitation, such as the date and time of the wedding and reception, the full names of the bride and groom, and some form of R.S.V.P. information. Other than that, it’s perfectly acceptable to include anything you want on the invitation, so long as you stay within the confines of good social behaviour.
It is good form to list the names of any parents or step-parents who contributed to the wedding expenses, even if they are not sending the invitations. If you are concerned about how someone might feel or might react to your decision, discuss it with them if it is appropriate to do so. Every situation is different, but here are some guidelines about proper form.
- The name of the mother of the bride should come first if the bride’s parents are divorced, whether she has remarried or not.
- Divorced parents should be listed on separate lines, one after the other, without “and” connecting them.
- When the bride’s mother has not remarried, she should usually be listed as “Mrs.” followed by her first name, maiden name, and married name.
- Parents who have remarried should be listed as “Mr. And Mrs.”
Of course nobody says you have to be bound by traditional paper invitations to demonstrate proper etiquette. Digital Invitations from Real Invites allow you to connect with your guests on a much more personal level, and ensure that everyone feels fully included in your romantic journey. We help you find the exact right words, music and pictures, whatever your situation may be.
6 comments
Leave a Reply
plan your wedding
Real Invites is socially conscious and charitable giving business that is located in GTA and is committed to creativity and excellence in the art of storytelling. We believe that every wedding is exquisite, distinctive and has romantic moments waiting to be shared.
Please answer this, what do you put on your invitations when your parents are Divorced and your mother is remarried but can’t afford to pay for the wedding But your father is paying?
Hi Sally,
Thanks for the question. The traditional etiquette remains the same — the mother’s name comes first. However, there’s no steadfast rule saying that you have to stick to the traditional etiquette if you feel that your family situation dictates otherwise.
Remember that the important thing is to make sure everyone feels appreciated and respected. If everyone is on good enough terms with each other that they can be in the same room without fighting, the right idea might be to do things the traditional way, and then explain to your father why you listed your mother first. You appreciate what he’s doing, but you wanted to abide by proper etiquette.
if the mother of the bride is paying for the wedding, but she is divorced and now engaged, does she put her fiance’ name on the invitation, even though he is not paying for the wedding?
I have a sticky situation. I’m getting married in the spring. My parents divorced a few years ago (3 years, I think). It was rough and their relationship has been bad for many years. The divorce was on the terms of adultery because my dad started seeing another woman, who is still his current girlfriend (of 3 years or so). My mom has not dated anyone to my knowledge, nor do I expect her to. I am the groom and obviously want both parents there but did not know if I should “and guest” them both or to “and guest” my mom and invite my dad’s girlfriend. Its a sticky situation and need an outsiders opinion.
Thanks,
Lost
I am mother of the bride and divorced. Her father remarried. I have changed my name to my full maiden name. I do not want to put ‘Mrs.’ in front of my name, and I do not want to use my married name, as I want no association with my ex. Do we have to word the invitation this way, or can I just use my full maiden name?
EX: Mrs. Lynn Miller Green (as you suggest)
EX: Susan Lynn Miller (what I want to say)
My daughter wants to use surnames, and I’m not a Ms., so what do I use?
I would suggest the latter as it is your identity and you’re still using the surname.